Changes

I have never been a fan of change. It is often forced and painful. But when we choose to change and rise above the stigma of change, we grow.

I am going through a major change in my life. A relationship of 9 years, over....
 Living on my own for the first time in 35 years....
A chance to grow and be the me that's more me than I've ever been.

I have been living a life full of expectations and being the self that I thought I should be. I am going to a place where the only expectations are my own and I don't have to be anything.

I will always be me. But in my life I have never just been Melanie. The woman. The amazing soul with something worth giving to the world.

I have been so much for so many people and now.... Now I can be me for me.

It is terrifying!

I know that I am ready for this change and chance to grow, but the process is scary. To be alone is my biggest fear. I let that fear turn me into something that I was not. I let that fear tear my life apart. I allowed fear to run my life. There is no one to blame for this but myself. I am ready for the change.

But to say goodbye to my life...
I am torn.

I had dreams and plans in this life. Now it is over. I have a new life ahead of me and again, I am terrified. I don't know what it will look like or who I will be when all is said and done. I don't like unknowns.

I like to plan things out and have dreams. All I can think about now is surviving. I know that is the fear and I need to nip it in the bud.

I am saying goodbye to my dream life that wasn't going to happen because I was living in fear. I am saying goodbye to someone that I loved for what seemed like my whole life. I am saying goodbye to expectations. And I will say goodbye to fear.

Changes are terrifying and wonderful. I am ready to grow. I can't wait to see where life will take me next.