A flower's journey

She in among the winding branches lived a sweet flower. She sat patiently watching the world. People came and people went. Some briefly stopped to marvel at her beauty. Some commented on her arousing aroma, as they hurried along the walk. She couldn't understand why she was different. She couldn't see that she was special. She was lost among the tangled branches. Peering out she saw the sun rising and setting with unmatched beauty and grace. She saw birds flying, rain falling, and the seasons changing. But she was alone in the world. She never saw another like her, a kindred. As she felt a time of change approaching, she felt a sense of calm excitement and nervous anticipation. Autumn had arrived and she was to begin a new journey. She felt herself be freed from her branch on the tree she had always called home. She stretched out and, readying herself for a long fall, she sighed. Drifting down wasn't hard or nearly as scary as she had imagined. She was hopeful to find another wherever she was to land. But, as she fell, she looked at her tree. It was the first time she looked within her own home and she was shocked to see hundreds of other glorious flowers ready to fall with her. It was her dream to find a kindred and it took a leap to discover that they were always there beside her.

Balance

I reach deep within myself 

      Into the light

I feel my roots push deep within the Earth

  Release

The light rises out and bathes me

        Warmth of love

--




--

Touch

i want to reach out to you

find your hand in the dark

i call out your name 

      silence

i call out 

             i am here

i am lost

    i wish 

and wish

to find your hand in the dark

--

People watching

Sometimes people watching can be dangerous for your sanity. I am sitting waiting for my daughter's class to end & listening to the incessant prattle of two neurotic fools. I was trying to read but as soon as they sat down, I knew that there was little chance of me being able to concentrate. The best part of the scenario is that we are in a very large room & they sat two seats next to me.

A quick peek inside my mind

Pinterest

yes, the best way to look inside of my mind is to look at my Pinterest & i mean really look at the page. don't just get happy and start pinning away yourself. look at my boards & the organization they are in [yes, i organize my boards]. you can see how i process & group information. you can also see which ideas are new and interests me the most [these are the boards at the end that may not have much substance, yet]

social media is such an interesting view into each others' minds. i love to look around at how other people see the world. as a result of our new mindset to post, post, post, you can tell which issues are important to those around you & really see what information catches their attention. 

i know a person that upset some of her closest friends by what she posted during 'the month of thanks' for the thanksgiving holiday. she revealed more than she had intended, by the order of her thankfulness. some may call her shallow, some may call her friends shallow, but i know one thing for sure, this view of her would not exist if it wasn't for social media. 

i try to be aware of the things that i post. i want to be authentic and true to myself, but i am a woman known for her quick change of emotion. i try not to post emotionally charged posted, all except for my poetry. this isn't an easy tasks. i am aware that i may be judged in the future by the things i have posted in the past. 

my opinion on the fairness of my personality being questioned by an employer [or stranger] based off a post is moot. it happened to me in the age of MySpace. right from the beginning i have been keenly aware that i am judged by people i don't know. 

all i can do is be myself & know that it's good enough. i challenge everyone to follow suit. 

The 21 Day Fix

I am starting a new round of the 21 Day Fix. It has been a couple of months since I last lost 10 pounds on the Fix. I have been feeling gross and I know that it is from my old eating habits (too much sugar, and not enough meals) creeping back in. I really feel as though the 21 Day Fix is the answer to fixing my bad habits. I feel energized & healthy wen I follow the meal guide. I am hoping to fit exercise into my daily routine, too. I am still struggling with my ankle & my hip is always a concern. But, I know that sitting around and waiting for some miracle cure isn't getting me anywhere, so I am working on stretching & I will get up and move.

Be the change

And then...

I'm not sure if it's the shifting of the planets (why can't they stay in one place), the stress from the unknown, or the stress from the known, but my little bubble has been popped. I am dealing with all my issues at once: pain, fatigue, insomnia, mental fog, and trouble focusing.

This isn't the first time I've bored the ship, holy shit, but it's been a minute & I was on my way to a better place... I miss waking up, feeling rested. I miss exercising. I miss hitting my goals. It's an ugly place to be in, I want to wallow in self pity. I really do. But I am being progressive and pushing on.

Finding my passion

Here I am another late night, not in bed. But this time I have a kitten at my feet and one next to me on the couch. I am blessed with furry love. 

I have an amazing live. I can see that fact. I am loved, cherished, cared for and about. I am have friend that are like family and family that are my friends. I live with the two most amazing people in the world (imo). 

Hate

I am angry with myself.
It's more of a habit.

Image by Jim Blob Blann

Why not just blame yourself?
It seams like the thing to do.

Hurting yourself is easy,
When there is no one to stop
Those awful things you say
To yourself.

I remind myself that I am loved;
That must mean that I am worth loving,
                                                        Right?
There is something that nags at my soul.

Hating others is frowned upon, but
Hating yourself is the thing to do.
Everyone says they wish they were
Something else, someone else.

I look in the mirror and wish
That I could see me, instead of
Seeing myself through the eyes of
Others - Others that hate.

Hating others is frowned upon, but
Hating differences is the thing to do.
I am different, can you love me?
I blame myself for not being the same.

Warrior

Heart
  aches

Breathing deep
   shallow

Wondering where it all began
  when will it end

Photo by Raw Light Photography

Shoot
  aim
 
My target misses a beat
  my heart

Stand tall
  proud

Who am I
  warrior

Delicate
  empath

I hear your soul
  see the color

Blocked
  broken

Nothing is beyond fixing
   warrior

Proud
  honest
Heart

Time passes

It has been over a year since I have last posted. There are so many things going on in my life, but I don't blog the way that I used to - back in the day of MySpace. Ah, MySpace. I am not ashamed to say that I miss that glitter filled wonderland of social media. My page with its own sound track & yes, you must listen to my music when visiting my page. But, really, I miss the ease of having a blog right there on my social media. Now, it's 140 characters & studies prove that people won't read long posts (my own reading of my news feed proves this point).

I have this odd habit of starting new blogs. I currently have 2 other blogs that lay dormant & somewhere in the vast space of the inter-nets, I have a blog that I started before social media was a coined term; long before Facebook or MySpace. In the area of dial-ups and AIM, I had a blog. I miss my journaling for the masses. Because really, that is what this is. Self-release to the public.

Ah... I found a list (you know how I love lists)

http://www.gurl.com/2013/08/15/internet-trends-stuff-from-early-2000s-1990s/

I miss so many of those things and some not at all... it is missing ICQ and then there was GeoCities *sigh*

I wonder if I am now blogging in a early 2000 style. It feels old school to me. 15 years ago is old school, but that makes me want to cry for a different reason. I have been on a computer since 1987. Let's not talk about old school computer stuff, people, I started with DOS.

So, what is THIS blog? My issue lays in the original collection of entries on this blog. It was created as an outlet for my creativity. I don't need something, so... limiting *eek* but I do need my blog. I guess that having one or two readers wouldn't be so bad either. I know that Beth, Ron & Crystal will be out there somewhere - at some point. Ron, what was your favorite blog platform? What do you guys miss from years on the internet?

For now, I say good-night. Soon I will write more. Soon.