Balance

I reach deep within myself 

      Into the light

I feel my roots push deep within the Earth

  Release

The light rises out and bathes me

        Warmth of love

--




--

Touch

i want to reach out to you

find your hand in the dark

i call out your name 

      silence

i call out 

             i am here

i am lost

    i wish 

and wish

to find your hand in the dark

--

People watching

Sometimes people watching can be dangerous for your sanity. I am sitting waiting for my daughter's class to end & listening to the incessant prattle of two neurotic fools. I was trying to read but as soon as they sat down, I knew that there was little chance of me being able to concentrate. The best part of the scenario is that we are in a very large room & they sat two seats next to me.

A quick peek inside my mind

Pinterest

yes, the best way to look inside of my mind is to look at my Pinterest & i mean really look at the page. don't just get happy and start pinning away yourself. look at my boards & the organization they are in [yes, i organize my boards]. you can see how i process & group information. you can also see which ideas are new and interests me the most [these are the boards at the end that may not have much substance, yet]

social media is such an interesting view into each others' minds. i love to look around at how other people see the world. as a result of our new mindset to post, post, post, you can tell which issues are important to those around you & really see what information catches their attention. 

i know a person that upset some of her closest friends by what she posted during 'the month of thanks' for the thanksgiving holiday. she revealed more than she had intended, by the order of her thankfulness. some may call her shallow, some may call her friends shallow, but i know one thing for sure, this view of her would not exist if it wasn't for social media. 

i try to be aware of the things that i post. i want to be authentic and true to myself, but i am a woman known for her quick change of emotion. i try not to post emotionally charged posted, all except for my poetry. this isn't an easy tasks. i am aware that i may be judged in the future by the things i have posted in the past. 

my opinion on the fairness of my personality being questioned by an employer [or stranger] based off a post is moot. it happened to me in the age of MySpace. right from the beginning i have been keenly aware that i am judged by people i don't know. 

all i can do is be myself & know that it's good enough. i challenge everyone to follow suit. 

The 21 Day Fix

I am starting a new round of the 21 Day Fix. It has been a couple of months since I last lost 10 pounds on the Fix. I have been feeling gross and I know that it is from my old eating habits (too much sugar, and not enough meals) creeping back in. I really feel as though the 21 Day Fix is the answer to fixing my bad habits. I feel energized & healthy wen I follow the meal guide. I am hoping to fit exercise into my daily routine, too. I am still struggling with my ankle & my hip is always a concern. But, I know that sitting around and waiting for some miracle cure isn't getting me anywhere, so I am working on stretching & I will get up and move.

Be the change

And then...

I'm not sure if it's the shifting of the planets (why can't they stay in one place), the stress from the unknown, or the stress from the known, but my little bubble has been popped. I am dealing with all my issues at once: pain, fatigue, insomnia, mental fog, and trouble focusing.

This isn't the first time I've bored the ship, holy shit, but it's been a minute & I was on my way to a better place... I miss waking up, feeling rested. I miss exercising. I miss hitting my goals. It's an ugly place to be in, I want to wallow in self pity. I really do. But I am being progressive and pushing on.