Nov 7, 2016

Nikki and Dr. Smalls

She rolled over and closed her eyes again, as if five more minutes in bed would make a difference. Stretching, Nikki shook the sleep off her bones. She stood tall in the mirror that hung on the back of her door, admiring her naked body before jumping into the shower. Echoes of her singing floated into the bedroom but her thoughts floated to a new car.

Shiny and silver with a dashboard that lights up like a Christmas tree.

Nikki closed her eyes against tears as she thought of the bus. One of her first memories was of her mother and her on the nocuous bus. Her mother was a bus rider, but not her. Not Nikki. Oh, she rode the bus when she had to, but her feet took her where she needed to go. 

It was the bus that took her to her fateful visit to Dr. Smalls’ office.

“What?!?” Nikki, blinked as the fluorescent bulb swirled above her.

The doctor smiled weakly and remained calm, “there isn’t anyone that you can call?”

“Did you say 24 hours?” she was dizzy and confused.

Dr. Smalls smile faded completely, “yes, I’m sorry. It is pushing on your optical nerve already.”

Nikki cried out, “but I’m 24!”

“I know, dear, I’ve seen you since you were a baby.”

“I am NOT my mother!”

Nikki got up and slammed the door to the examining room. She grabbed her coat and ran to the bus stop. 

She nearly didn’t see the man standing at the bus stop, “optical nerve,” the doctors voice whispered in her ear. 

“You look like you could use a wish,” he bellowed. 

Nikki broke out in tears.

“Hey, I was just kidding!” and with that the man walked away.

Her phone buzzed again. She had never turned off the silence function after she left the doctor’s office. 

“Hi, this is Dr. Smalls. You ran out before I could tell you…” the phone beeped as the message ended.

Nikki had just about enough of her good doctor.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. 

Another message, “listen Nikki, I don’t feel… comfortable talking about this on the phone. But there is an option for you. We can meet for coffee and talk tonight.”

Nikki scoffed, then called the doctor. 

She ordered a hot chocolate with extra cinnamon. Though she’d never admit it, she preferred the chocolate beverage to the all too adult coffee anytime. Sitting with her back to the wall she picked a table in the back under a small light fixture. 

Dr. Smalls saw her as he walked in the door, right past the counter and straight for her table. She had walked out of his office before he could tell her that her scheduled for surgery, first thing, the next morning. 

Jumping up in her seat, Nikki, spilt a bit of her coffee on her lap. A cure, how did she miss that part. The doctor was still talking.


“But you do understand that you will lose your sight…”

Sep 9, 2016

Girl lost

I am working really hard at my most important project to date. Finding myself. I know how I got lost... Where I got lost... When I got lost... But none of that matters. I cannot find myself there. That moment in time only exists in my mind. Sigh.

Who am I? I am so much more than I was ten years ago when I was last finding myself. And I am completely transformed from the girl I was 20 years ago. I always answer this question with my titles... I am a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend.... But those words can describe so many people. Who am I???

I feel like a liar when I say that I am a writer, but I have been paid to write and published with ink on paper. I am a writer, though, damn it.... Oh! I am not angry at anyone but myself for selling myself short on so many things.

I feel like a liar when I think about myself... I am really lost inside of the day-to-day business that I've thrown myself into........

Who am I? Some people know the answer to this question and they know that I am lost... But not too far away. I hope to find myself soon.

"Forgotten words"

Forgotten words sweep across an empty page.
I am too close to reality to understand the significance of my life.
Too close to what is really happening to see it for what it is.
A collage of moments.
A montage of little importance.
Sweet memories created to forget.
Life is what happens to us while we are trying to live.
I am trying to live and use these words to create some meaning.
Meaning is in the eye of the beholder.
There are no sides to the truth because it is round.
Reality is a sphere with no surface for clinging.
The page is less empty but the words will soon be forgotten.