Moving to a new state of mind.

I hate moving! I just wanted to get that out there, but I don't feel any better about it. I have been moving for the last month. It is horrible - the chaos & unruly laundry hampers everywhere.

My life is a big ball of stress and I have fallen into a stress-induced walking-coma. I'm here, the lights are on, but no one is answering the freakin' doorbell. The worst part is that I am in the attic, looking out the window wondering what's going on & why I can't find the door. Its hard to explain, especially since I'm not sure what is going on - its not an emotional roller-coaster, its an emotional blender. I have feelings a'la baby food.

Too many analogies? Maybe. But its important for me to try and explain the inexplicable- my mind.


I took some time to write this out and time to think about this and its my time to move - to a new state of mind. I have been in a bad place for a long time; my self-esteem is sad and low. Its hard to explain because I know all of my good qualities, but I just don't see the whole package. I know that I am kind, but I am blinded by my selfishness. I know that I am smart, but all I see is my stupid mistakes and lack of progress. I know that I am pretty, but my mirror only shows my double chins.

Looking at the big picture has been a big problem for me. When the picture is too big, I miss all the details. When I concentrate too hard on the details, I lose sight of the big picture. I am always losing sight of the big picture. Its hard to pick up on the "suppose 'tas" - those things that I'm supposed to be doing now [instead of writing out my problems in my blog]. I get lost in my "To do list" but without completing my "to dos" - I just LOVE TO WRITE LISTS! *Really I do, a lot; it is verging on a problem.

This isn't helping. I am supposed to be switching to a new state of mind and I'm having problems crossing state lines. Crap! I need to figure out how to capitalize on this move (to a new home) and use it to help me move (in a new direction). That was what I was supposed to do. I suppose I should do something. Uh, I'll have to get back to this....